[ _______________- The sights that I'm seeing are priceless -______________

Monday, March 31, 2008

@ 1:28 PM

st james yesterday was a scary experience. first ever time that i witness someone fell from the podium. and it happened to be one of my friend's friend. victim's friends were all high and drunk already, thus left with only 3 sober people (julianna, andy and me) to look after the injured.

the ambulance was called. it took damn long to come and damn long to go. belgrand, julianna and fiona followed to the hospital, whereas andy and me went back to our homes respectively. could turn in till 7 plus in the morning, severe headache. could be because i was helping faith from the fall and knock my back of the head against the poles. it still does hurts a bit if i touch it. ):

called belgrand and asked after faith in the noon, he say she went home already. fractured her tailbone. that poor girl. ): i think she's rather nice, other than being drunk. heees.

was pissed with andy before the ambulance came and vice versa. but no worries, everything's fine now. everyone's just worried for faith. one week mc for her!

hope she gets well soon. :D

@ 1:06 AM

Thursday, March 27, 2008

@ 4:58 AM

i'm back from mambo. (: i know i shouldn't go, i'm sick and on and on. but i couldn't bear to stay home!! for goodness sake, it's wednesday; my official hiao day. and i was in an awful mood. need to let the steam off~

this time round, patty came along. been so long since i met her, though we're cousin. she's busy with school and work, so no time for me lo. ): glad she had fun today.

gonna head out at 9am later, to pray and bring gonggong home. they're putting his tablet at my place, thus the whole chua family will be heading over after the prayers. no wonder my mum did a bit of cleaning today. lol.

saw some familiar faces around jut now; cheryl and hermann. been a long time, since secondary school!!! lol. nice catching up for a bit. (:

injured my leg though. some fat guy fell and my leg was there. the pain infected my whole feet. idiot, don't know how to say sorry somemore. luckily left early, else i sure revenge!! lols.

i'm going to do my nightly rountine before heading to bed. rest well all~ :D

@ 4:50 AM

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

-snap shot of flurry sweetheart when she's looking at the constructions of IR.

- _Dash bryan texting on his phone. *shutter sound*

-me! no make up, with lolly~ :D

@ 7:58 AM

look at the time!!!! i'm up and about!!! :D

no, i didn't have problem sleeping last night. slept through the night, even though was being haunt by nightmares. =/

some people are nice, like stemcell ken and _Dash bryan. they'd morning call me and text me to get me out of bed. baby's not able to reach me due to the reception!! damn bad reception in jurong!!! grrrr...

i did set my own alarm, just in case. and i even told my mum to wake me up at 6.30am. lols. i'm super kiasu right?! know why?!?!?!

'cause supposed to go to dreamworks at 8.30am for orientation but!!! yours truly is indecisive and!!! after i got home from sentosa yesterday, my body's been itchy. ): i don't know what's wrong...

and yes, i went to sentosa yesterday. for a tan!!! this time it's flurry sweetheart, _Dash bryan and me!!! haha` calvin was nice enough to drive me to vivo to meet them and have lunch together before driving us into sentosa, stayed for less than half an hour then go. lols.

there's no difference in my skin tone!! not visual!!! i'm still as fair!!! benson asked why i wanted a tan and told me that girls doesn't look hot; tanned. but i dont care!! i might look slimmer if i'm tanned!!! lols.

goodness me! i've put on way too much weight!!! if only i'd not just showered, i'm driven to go out for a jog ok?! thanks to the courtesy of Mr Andy Tay. now, i'm FAT! but no one's complaining!! just mantain and not go beyond.

must must must work out already!!! else i'll be forgotten when it comes to shoots, and i know how it feels being short, fat and ugly. i don't wanna be like that!!! ):

alrights. it's time for breakie, i'm hungry. i saw cheese and ham in the frigde last night, together with the bread on the table, it shall be my breakfast!!! with a cuppa milo. yumyum~ :D

@ 7:26 AM

Monday, March 24, 2008

@ 1:16 PM

i'm still feeling scared, about the consequences of what i've done. i couldn't in any way predict the outcome, thus i'm stuck at i-dont-know-where-and-what-to-do. shitty.

mikey had a talk with me last night, and thanks mikey!!! i feel better after that!!! (: asked ivan lotsa stupid questions too. hahas. hopefully he and orange can meet me tonight,

misses for the lady!!! lalas~

gonna go for my second interview with dreamworks advertising later, hopefully everything goes well!! pray hard for me!! if i'm able to get a position with them, i reckon there'll be lots of learning and all.

can't wait to get my hands on a job and start working!!! heees.

last friday was a public holiday, and so the family planned some family day outing. we went to pasir ris park for some bonding session. everyone from dad's side came along, 'cept for 2nd aunt and her eldest son. my brother's girlfriend came along too.

there was cycling, blading, pinic, pokers and lotsa laughters. i didn't do anything other then watching shows on the mac. hahas. and i was lazy la. :P shall work out soon enough!! i wanna slim down!!! and everyone!!

PLEASE CONTRIBUTE TO HELP MISSY GET BOOBIES FOUNDATION!!! :D

please state name and donatation in tag board, thank you. (:

ya la, i'm nuts. but i want bigger boobs ma!!! grrr. so sad when i went to buy lingerie the other time, broke my poor heart la the auntie. ): said i got no substance, push also nothing comes out of it. AHHHHHH!!!~

sweety andy came over for a bit last night as i wasn't feeling well. he really likes travelling from his place to my place la, about 2 hours journey to and fro lo. he'd never complain about it before, he's just so cute sometimes. *pinch cheeks*

ok la. i should go prepare already! it's a crazy day!!! hope it'll go well!! taaaazzz~

@ 12:51 PM

Sunday, March 23, 2008

@ 4:21 AM

it'd never been about me. not now, not even right from the start. it's just hurtful to find out so much things and not be able to express your thoughts or whatsoever with regards to it. does anyone understand? i reckon not.

thanks connie. for being there, i really appreciate it. i hope we'll have much time to hang out, to be like we used to be.

i know i've not been a good friend. but still, you'd come so far with me. i love you girl!!

lift up your chin, straighten your back and suck in that stomach!! we'll make it through, daddy God is with us, always!! and we'll always be there for each other yea? :D

i'm turning in for the night already. hope it's goodbye to emo posts, no promise though. 'cos this is the only outlet for my shits. lols.

been a while since i blog, but well. beauty sleep is more important. update tomorrow or something! ciaos~

@ 1:05 AM

Saturday, March 15, 2008

@ 3:16 AM

i'm lost, i dont know what to do. it's getting bad, my health is ok already. but not my emotions. i know by this post of mine, i'm going to piss alot of people off. i just dont know where to get this off from me except here.

i'm very tired.

and recently, there're quite a handful of people coming to me as if i'm aunt agony. all i can do is to listen to them, say some things they wanna hear or i think is best for them. that's just all i can do, i'm a little bothered by all these though.

i know they come to me 'cause they think that they can trust in me, but i'm in a state whereby i can't help myself, so what makes it that i can help others? arghh....

family day's tomorrow, but it seems like just another rainy day. how to go cycling with the rest?! and i havent seen daddy for a week plus already. damn, he doesn't even calls me. so gonna get it from me la him. grrr...

i'm going to log off and try to sleep for now. toodles~

@ 3:04 AM

Friday, March 14, 2008

@ 4:31 PM

i'm thankful for those who'd asked after me these few days knowing that i'm not doing well. i appreciate all your kindness yea? (:

i'm feeling a tad bit better already. finally felt the urge to eat last night, but i still can't sleep. i also wanna apologise for the cranky entries posted up recently. i was outta my mind.

i'm back to job hunting now. no luck so far, but soon la! i hope! :D

@ 4:23 PM

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

- just what did you do to me? i'm busted.

@ 10:18 AM

i chose to be oblivious, doesn't mean i dont know anything. i pretend to not know stuffs and made myself suffer. this ain't happening anymore.

you claim to love me, but ask yourself, do you? if you do, how much? don't say that i doubt your love, it's just simply 'cause what you say doesn't tally with your actions. don't you have a conscience? don't you feel guilty and doesn't want to commit the same thing ever again? change for the better?

i know what you did behind my back. i know that you told me lies about work, and i even know you that bedded someone else. just how much am i supposed to put up with? do i ever mean anything to you?!

i kept my mouth shut, i appeared as per normal, but in me, i hope one day. one day, you would come to sense. you'd be sorry and spill everything to me, asking for forgiveness. but you didn 't, and i've still gotta carry this farking burden of yours everywhere i go.

the hints i dropped were never being acknowledged. if being lied to is a form of protect, and you think that i'll never come to know of it. you're so blardy wrong! now i know!! how are you going to explain this?!?!

i'm terribly affected, ok?! if you'd told me you know that you're in the wrong, i prolly would have forgive you. but, you show no remorse about your doings, just what am i to do? you make me hate myself and thinks that i'm not worth anything.

@ 9:49 AM

Monday, March 10, 2008

@ 11:19 PM

i don't know what else to do, what else to say. baby feels the same too. i'm sorry darling. i guess i've let you down. you'd always tell me to take my time, but just how much time am i entitled to? what if the day never comes?

i'm sorry for feeling so negative. maybe i should really go to the doctor like what leggies said ages ago, it's no way to carry on like this.

with the fear in me, not trying hard enough and falling back at the slightest thing. i'll never be able to be the same again. i'm just go bonkers one day.

beloved, thank you;for too much things.i thank God for you, i'm grateful.

stay close, don't go. never let me down, tell me the truth. and we'll last till the end of time.

@ 11:01 PM

@ 2:24 PM

i realised. i'm not a happy person. too much have been weighing down on me; my own problems and the problems/secrets of others. i'm way too sick and tired of everything, sometimes i just wish that i can put it all down and go to somewhere far away.

no more lies please. i'm really sinking in due to the lies. i can take whatever shit that's happening, just not the lies. how i hate to be lied to, and yet all of you have to do is lie to me. it's pushing me to the edge, i might just jump anytime. nobody's gonna hold me back at the time.

there are things that i know, but i couldn't tell. i have to keep it to myself, and when it comes to facing the person related to the matter, i feel bad. very bad. what if i just burst, what would the outcome be?

am i just no-one or nothing? do i not worth a change in life? they say leopard wouldn't change its spots, but i really hope it'll just remain a saying.

i love everyone that's closed to me. i wouldn't wanna exchange anything for anyone of them. but if i were to be cornered by any of the loved ones, i wouldn't hestiate to let go anymore. else, it'll cause more hurt to me.

i know, in this way. i'm just being selfish. but have ever wondered? who's the one who'd started all the nonsense that had me to no choice but go? it's time to do some thinking; reflect.

i used to love. i used to give my all. but all i got back in return was unhappiness. the tears of sadness, the feeling of lost; not knowing what to do, the false front of not knowing anything and willing to put up with anything.

just why wouldn't anyone tell me the truth? i'm sorry people, i didn't listen to you. it's only right that i got myself hurt, i couldn't blame anyone. everything that's befall me, i deserve it. i brought it all upon myself.

maybe i was beyond stupid, i dont know what's wrong with me. had a boyfriend who lied to me all the time. he lied to me about meetings and went to meet girls. he would always tell me that it's work related stuffs which were untrue. he even bedded a girl and i forgave him. how dumb could i get, just tell me.

all along, i know what's he's up to. but never did i confront him, i dont know why. and so, i gave all that i could give. now, i'm stuck in the the dark, still living in the past hurts. i tried to get out out it, i tried to trust but each time, i'm just being hit again and again. back will i fall again, adding more scared factors in.

i'm sorry, i know it's not fair. but i dont know what can i do. i couldn't talk about it; no one would understand, no one knows how i feel. i feel myself breaking down, not sure when but i think it's soon. i'll try to hold out for as long as i can.

just be true and real to me till then.

@ 1:38 PM

Sunday, March 09, 2008

@ 9:39 PM

feel so horrible!!! insomnia is taking a tow on me again, and my stomach feels so upset!!! damn!!! it's been about 3 days i've been feeling sickly, after that kfc for lunch having a previous day without food.

i can't turn in every night until about the wee hours; like 5am or later? and i had the runs last night!! kept going to the toilet, even stayed in it for like an hour at one time. it's really bad. the insides feel as if it's churning all the time, so uncomfortable. ):

went to the IT show on saturday, was crazy. the place is packed with a lot of people la. felt horrible the whole day. the lack of oxygen makes me sleepy when i entered, after exiting, the hallucination of human all around strikes me. it was that scary to me~

my mum and youngest brother's gonna return from genting tonight. not sure of what time, hopefully they will get some nice things back for me too yea? lols.

i forgot!! it's the school holidays!!! for a week!!! everywhere's gonna be crowded. my home will be in chaos. -.- -faints-

i shall go watch the box for now. hopefully i'll feel better. ciaos~

@ 9:13 PM

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

@ 3:40 PM

the maid is here already!!! needn't go to granny's place so often, but still i'll go. :D

the maid cannot speak english! and she doesn't understand english!! gosh!! how to communicate?!?! hopefully granny's malay can make her understand. but i've got a bad feeling towards the maid, think my granny will make noise.

dinner date tonight at orchard parade hotel; black angus. where shall i go after that? grrr. and what shall i wear?!?! ):

been on youtube these two days, search for dance. damn! how those butts shake and the moves looks so great~ i want!~!~

and i'm so putting on so much weight. yet i just yakked about it but do nothing. how fruitful this is. going on a diet soon! (:

cold raining days~ i wanna go get a tan also cannot. ): the weather makes me just wanna stay at home and stay in bed all day long. to think that i only go to bed in the morning hours everyday, and sleep till 2 plus in the noon. i gotta kick this habit, but only after this weekend. :P

brother's back from granny's already, couzzie will go over later. tomorrow my mum will be bringing my youngest brother and the maid over, then she'll stay over so she can travel less to beach rd to catch the coach to genting highlands.

i'll be having the place to myself till sunday night!! unless chinhow's gonna stay home the whole 3 days, which highly doubt so. hahas.

i'm going to log out and shower, slowly slack and prepare for the next half of the day already. anyway brother wanna use the lappie, BAHS.

So long, toodles. (:

@ 3:27 PM

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

[Verse 1:]
Closed off from love,
I didn't need the pain,
Once or twice was enough,
And it was all in vain.

Time starts to pass
Before you know it your frozen.
But something happened for the very first time with you,
My heart melted to the ground found something true,
And everyones looking round thinking I'm going crazy.

[Chorus:]
But I don't care what they say,
I'm in love with you,
They try to pull me away,
But they don't know the truth,
My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.
You cut me open and I,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,
I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
You cut me open.

[Verse 2:]
Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud,
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt,
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling.
But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace,
And in this world of loneliness I see your face,
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy.
Maybe, Maybe.

[Chorus:]
But I don't care what they say,
I'm in love with you,
They try to pull me away,
But they don't know the truth,
My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.
You cut me open and I,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,
I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
You cut me open.

[Bridge:]
And it's draing all of me,
Though they find it hard to believe,
I'll be wearing these scars for,
Everyone to see.

[Chorus:]
I don't care what they say,
I'm in love with you,
They try to pull me away,
But they don't know the truth,
My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.
Ohh you cut me open and I...
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,
I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
Oh you cut me open and I...
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,
I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love
Ooh you cut me open and I,
Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love.
Love.

@ 5:11 PM

bring me sunflowers, tell the world proud; that i'm yours. post my pictures up and show everyone that it's me that you ever want, that you ever need and that you cannot live without with. hold me close and tight, shower me with sweet-nothings. whisper the words to my ears over and over again, prove what you say with your actions and make me melt. give me what i deserve and never let me down. make me realise i can give my all to you; i'd long to be yours. can we feel the same wayand stay that way till the end of time? let this not be a dream, but a fairytale come true; our fairytale. dont leave me here waiting all alone, never let me go. will you?

@ 4:29 AM

pardon me for feeling this way.

tossing and turning in the bed doesn't help make things better, i couldn't sleep. been sleeping lesser and lesser nowadays, else i would sleep half the day away and stay awake the other days. there's something going wrong in my body. BAHS.

wondered about the important person; was i, am i, will i be one? i don't know. how do you show someone that he/she is important? hmmms...

where's the AnaBelle Jolyn? i can't figure anymore. let it be gone with the wind, it's the impassive me now. with nothing at all.

2 more months to the birthday. i haven't got any plans in mind, it falls on a sunday. how nice. i think i'll go sort out the invites first then brainstorm something out, if i want a celebration or whatever.

i'm going to try to go to sleep again for now. stupid menses causing evil backaches. grrrr~

@ 4:10 AM

Saturday, March 01, 2008

- take me out of the blue.

@ 4:56 PM

i wince when i felt my heart aches, it aches with a thump a little too hard. i dont feel well, i'm afraid i'll lose myself. it scares me, i couldn't tell. i can't let anyone be worried for me, i've gotta be on my own at some times.

these days, the past's back. it's all haunting me all over again, right from the day high school ends. there're too many things to go over, but never did i burdened anyone with it. i chosed not to share, not that i'm not open. but it's a horrible feeling to have all the shit coming back to you full force again.

i'm sorry for i am me. i may appear to strong on the outside, but on the inside, i'm just too weak. i've to put on a mask for fear that i'll be hurt, and never be able to get up once more.

there's a little girl,
whose dress been stained with blood.
hiding in a dark corner,
holding her legs close to her chest.
her hair was messy and tangled,
her head hung low.
i tried to call out to her,
there was no response.
i held out my hand and walked towards her,
she just remained in place,
i put my arms around her and bring her close to me,
tidied her hair and hold her head up.
tears stung my eyes when i saw her face,
for i know she'll never be okay again.
she was robbed of her everything;
she had no trust, no faith, no innocence,
no nothing in her anymore.
the little girl is me;
impassive says it all.

@ 1:38 AM