[ _______________- The sights that I'm seeing are priceless -______________

Thursday, February 28, 2008

- in search within the self.

@ 3:59 PM

it's not that people around me ain't giving me their assurance or anything. but there's this monster in me, that always knows know to work its way around. it causes me to not having trust anf faith in anyone and anything, sometimes not even myself.

i'm sorry everyone. i don't know what's wrong with me, maybe i need a whole lot more solid senses being knocked into me. real hard. ): i hate myself at times i'm feeling that way. it just makes me hard to trust everyone almost all the time.

alrights, apart from that. i think i only slept for 3 hours in total, though i went to bed at 4 plus; i was tossing and turning. not long before i know, it's 6am already and soon i've gotta wake my brother up for school.

after he went to school, i made myself some breakfast before i get into some serious gastric pain. text flurry sweetheart to contact me when she's awake and she called me straightaway, so we were on the phone chatting and getting online at the same time.

plans to head out were made, but due to the fact that i'm not really well and didn't sleep; it's cancelled. but it's scheduled tomorrow! sentosa trip!!! whoolalas~ can't wait la!! :D

had another round of food, mcdonald's breakfast before i finally turn in at 12noon. woke up, and here i am blogging in my bed. i'm going to get out of bed and wash up, then when my youngest brother's back from school; we're going to granny's place. i'm going to stayover at her place again, hopefully i still can go sentosa tomorrow. =/

*stretches*

@ 3:43 PM

- little imp-y brother and me.

@ 3:40 AM

oh, how i miss sneaking out to club!!! hahas. i did it again!!! =X

just got home from Zouk, MAMBO!!! weets~~~ i'm a happy girl!!! lalalas~ met up with a few new people from the cyberworld, didn't manage to club together though. it's too packed!! it was full house before 12!!! luckily i got there earlier, so close before they really stop people from coming in. heees.

i sneak out at 11.30pm from my house, there's only me and my youngest brother home. so i've gotta wait for him to fall asleep then i can make my way out. decide to pamper him for a bit today, so i brought him to sakae sushi for dinner as he requested. what a good sister i am. LOLS.

then we got home at nearly 10pm, and i chased him to bed. he's got school in the morning, gotta wake him up at 6.30am. hope i can be awaken by the alarm clock later alrights. =/

and so, i went to check on him at 11pm, to make sure that he's sound asleep before i could prepare and go out. YAY!!! so happy, waited for philbert to finish his bust angel; oppps, i meant burst angel on central then i took a cab to Zouk while he go home.

i took the receiver off the phone at home, just in case my mum calls to check if i'm out or not. i'm evil!!! she said that she'll throw my stuffs out if i go on my 'official haio day' this week. and we got into a heated quarrel last weekend at my granny's over that issue. i was so pissed la!!!

but who cares now. i've gone to club and nobody stopped me. hees. oh ya, down with the flu bug. ): i think i'm getting the sore throat soon, feeling weird at the back of my mouth. how sad~
and i injured myself, dont ask me how, 'cause i dont know. =/

i only remember that i keep wanting to get into trouble in clubs these days. hoping that i would get into some fight or whatsoever shit stuffs. think i've been feeling too vex lately, bottling up all the feelings, thus i need to vent. LOLS.

there's a close circuit camera installed at my lift area!! i wonder why.. alrights. i've gotta go for now. will update soon! the cellphone is ringing already. nights all! :D

@ 3:25 AM

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

@ 3:43 PM

had a nightmare. darn scary. now it makes me hate that particular person even more, how forceful can he get. grr. luckily it's all a dream and not real, else my eyes would have been cried out. ):

@ 3:25 PM

Sunday, February 24, 2008

- and i still think about him all the time.

@ 1:56 PM

i've finally go to the store and got myself a book!! that should help me pass my time easier, and to be more fruitful than watching mtv all day long. been to the store for a few times but didn't get a book, 'cause i didn't know what to read. but after this book i'm reading, i'm going to get more books!! i've eyes on books!!! ;)

i'm been so bored recently. and guess what?! i'm going back to my granny's place to stay for the week again. that's why i need a book, and i haven't even starte on my heros. grrr..

i haven't been sleeping well at home. i dont know why, my granny would always put on the blankie for me every night, 'cause i've got the habit to kick it away. so she gotta do that for me a couple times a night. =/

and when i wake up, she would always make breakie for me. aint she sweet? (:

i've told my mum about granny asking me to move over permanently, she said ok. can you believe it?! know why?! 'cause she doesn't need to fret about me ma! leave it all to my granny. -.- like what sia~

if i were to move over, what's my dog to do? ): sucha poor thing. oh, how i miss him when i was away. he can be like the sweetest thing ever when he's not annoying. (:

alrights. i'm done packing and blogging. i should go grab some food and get my ass out of the house to buy dry food for baby dog and to granny's.

see you people on weekend!! ciaos~

@ 1:41 PM

Friday, February 22, 2008

@ 11:52 AM

long wanted to change my blog's song. and it's done!!! i simply simply love this song to bits la!!! heees. it's bubbly by colbie caillat. do listen to it. it's on the right hand side, scroll down and you can see the video along with lyrics. enjoy! :D

@ 11:50 AM

Thursday, February 21, 2008

@ 4:35 PM

i'm back home after so long,finally. today's the fourteenth day of gonggong's death, i still miss him so. it seems dull without him around, i still will look out for him all the time. it has become a habit, but i'm always let down to know that he'll never be around again anymore.

i've accepted the fact that he'd passed on, but i still need time to get used to him not being around. oh, how i miss those times. we should always cherish people who're still around, and not regret when they're gone.

mambo last night with alan and patty was awesome. we stayed till 4, and we left after summer rain was played. cool! and met a stalker from st james, he sure can stalk well i would say! always bumping into him!

but i was nice, i entertained him for a bit still. did the cha-cha with him, luckily there wasn't much people around, but still it's embarrassing enough. lols.

darn the face. having outbreaks, and it's so dry!! gonna pay more attention to it already, else it worsen to the state as before i would go bang the wall. grrrr.

haven't been feeling well these 2 days. motion sickness for the whole damn noon onwards yesterday, puked a truckload after pat dropped me and back home too. total horrible feeling. my chest feels so tightened up, and the blood is pumping all so fast. am i dying? ohhhh...

needa go down to granny's place to pass my brother his clothes and take somethings. troublesome. no choice~

i've somewhat moved back to kallang; with my granny. i'll only be back on thursday and sometimes on weekends. my poor baby doggie is so gonna miss me. ): alrights, i'm logging off for now already. so long~

@ 4:15 PM

Sunday, February 17, 2008

goodbye gonggong. you'd really left us this time round; your soul, your body and everything about you. we all misses you a whole darn lot! we couldn't bear to let you go, and i'm sorry if all of us made you worried on your way to heavens with our cries.

the wake is finally over, the body's cremated. gonggong's bones are pink in color and small in size. i didn't made it to his seventh day, nobody was sure if he did come home that night or not. for the second seventh day, i'm going to buy him his favorite food. so he can savour them. yummy yummy(:

great thing that i've got lovely people around me, they're so nice and sweet to accompany me these days; especially the beloved. always talking to me late into the night to ensure that i'm fine and he'll all so tired out. poor thing.

i'm going to granny's place to stay often now, to accompany her. she's staying alone now, so with my company, it would be nice eh? hees.

and so my chinese new year was spent just like this, it's a bad year. there's lots of wakes around, been having about 4 to 5 in a row at my granny's place. pray that it'll go better as time passes.

met up with aiai and randy for dinner on thursday with andy in town. dinner was good and sweety aiai bought yummy macroons for me! and being the sweet me, i shared it with the rest. :D parted our ways after dinner then went to meet up with orenji and ivan before heading back to granny's place.

i'm home for now. andy finally stayed over at my place after a long long time on friday. alrights, i'm heading to bed for now. the laptop's going to hibernate already. good night everyone. (:

@ 3:54 AM

Monday, February 11, 2008

i'm at my gonggong's wake. i have been going home in the wee hours of the night these few days, been spending all my time at the wake. then early in the morning, i would make my way here. i couldn't rest at home, thus why not i spend more time with gonggong before he really leave us.

he looks so different now, he looks like the old huang fei hong in the movies. but no matter what he is still our most beloved gonggong and the most handsome one. (:

@ 3:27 PM

Saturday, February 09, 2008

-my dearest gonggong who is now in heaven and me, when i was still a toddler.

the wake will be held at geylang bahru, block 93 from 08/02/2008 to 12/02/2008. the body will be cremated at mandai crematorium on 12/02/2008.

@ 1:02 AM

-gonggong and granny with cousin and me.

@ 1:00 AM

-gonggong and granny with my cousins and me on my birthday.

@ 12:59 AM

Friday, February 08, 2008

this post is dedicated to my most beloved GongGong; Chua Jin Teck who passed away on 08/02/2008 at 18.31pm.

thank you for the times you've spent with the family, thank you for taking good care of the family, thank you for the joy that you've brought us, thank you for everything gonggong.

we used to live together before my family moved to jurong. you've always dote on me a lot, and i'm also very sticky to you. sometimes in the night, i'll sleep with you in the living room if my parents are on night shift. i remember that you'll always pat me to sleep, and if i can't fall asleep, you'll sing the dialect rhymes and pray to the gods that i'll be able to have a good rest.

i would always follow you to the market for your breakfast and sit under the void deck to chat with your friends. you would always buy candies and snack for my cousins and me. you would always call home to ask if we're hungry and want supper when you're out drinking. it's always the nice and delicious pork/chicken chop and fishball noodles that you'll buy for the family.

you'd love to play with your poker cards, and you do it every night. you'd love to bet on horse racing and soccer matches too. not forgetting you'd drink two bottles of tiger beer before you go to bed every night.

you cried and plead with my mum to allow me to stay with you and granny on the day we moved out. you would buy food and snacks whenever you come to visit, but that didn't last for a long time. and we couldn't go to visit you much 'cause we're still young and mummy doesn't feel safe.

before you had that terrible fall, you would always cycle to bendemeer and all around to visit your friends and all. the family would always know that you're home by hearing the noise you make from spitting at the stairs on the way up to home. it's become a habit for you to spit on the stairs outside the house.

after that incident, you couldn't walk properly and your health starts to fail. but you're still as strong as ever, and you'd never allow the family to be worried for you.

you were being hospitalised for a few times for the past months but could go home after a few days. you're doing great at home, just that you need the aid of a walking stick.

2 weeks ago, we admitted you into the hospital for a thorough check up, and you're discharged after 2 days. but 2 days later, you're sent to the hospital again because you're passing out blood. everyone was very worried, why didn't you tell when you feel that your body is not well? why do you always keep everything to yourself? why did you think that the family wouldn't be worried if you bottom everything up?

if granny didn't happen to help you out the other day, the family wouldn't have known that there's something wrong with your body. your intestines were already very weak when the doctors tried to insert the tube in from your anal to check where in your body is bleeding. unfortunately, it burst a little and you have to go for an emergency operation.

at that time, you're still very strong headed. you acted all brave and heck care when the others were worried sick. you said that there's nothing to be afraid and you'll be fine. the doctors couldn't put the intestine back cause they're too weak already, thus they took away the rotten parts.

after your operation, you're always in a drowsy mode. you didn't had anything to eat since the day you're admitted, and now you're on drip with only 500ml of water a day. it pains me a lot to see you suffering.

before you got into a coma after your operation, whenever i'm there to visit you, you were always saying random things. you'd even asked me why am i there to visit you when you're dead, and i shouldn't cry. amongst the cousins, you've always dote on me the most.

a lot of people came to visit you, all were so upset to see you lay there and just sleep all the time. we didn't know what we can do, and our heart aches just so much. you couldn't move to anything, there were no response from you most of the time. but we never gave up, and so do you. thank you for fighting till your last breath,gonggong.

i remember when i was still young, whenever my mother vents her anger on me, you'd take me away and soothes me. you had never scolded or lay your hands on anyone. you're always so kind and loving to everyone. everyone loves you and cares for you, there were no enemies for you.

the family were there to visit you everyday,to talk to you,to wet your lips and await you to open your eyes. but you never did, why didn't you see us for the last time before you go? you'd waited till the second day of new year and for all of us to arrive but why didn't you open your eyes and talk to us for the last time?!

the family was fighting back the tears and grief 'cause we're all afraid that you would not go in peace. afraid that you would be worried for us and not go in peace. but we're glad that you'd gone in peace, you even had a little smile on your face.

GongGong. Rest in peace, the family are all grown up and will take good care of themselves. don't be worried, daddy God's here for you already, go with Him. He'll take you away to a very beautiful place where there wouldn't be sufferings and you'll be able to walk and run like you used to. take care gonggong, do watch over the family. we'll always remember you and love you.

Goodbye.

xoxo,
your grandchild.

09/02/2008
12.59am.

@ 11:36 PM

new year is so different without gongong. please please dont sleep anymore,quickly wake up and celebrate with us. the family misses you very much, please be strong and will yourself to wake up. your body is all well already, so once you wake up and be done with the procedures, we'll bring you home.

you bear to make all of us travel around everyday to visit you? you like staying in the hospital? you bear to leave granny alone at home and cry at night? don't you miss all of us? we know that you can hear us talking, you've even got reaction. but why are you still in this state?!

gonggong, we want you back with us! come home with us soon, granny's gonna prepare a feast on the 15th day of new year if you're able to be home. you ain't wth us for the reunion dinner, you're always the first to give out red packets, always the first to eat, always afraid that we're not full.

now you're all left with bones, wake up soon. i'll bring you to have coffee like how you used to bring me to the market with you for breakfast and buy you whatever you wanna eat. gonggong, i miss you!!! can you get well fast? i'm very very depressed seeing you lying in the hospital bed in coma.

i promise that i'll visit you whenever i can, no matter how tired i am, how packed my day is. i'll be there to talk to you, hoping you'll open your eyes and see me. i'll be there to wet your lips, so you wouldn't feel uncomfy due tot he dryness. i'll be there to wipe your face, so you'll look as charming as ever. i'll be there with you,gonggong. ILOVEYOU.

@ 12:25 AM

Sunday, February 03, 2008

haircut that didn't turned out the right way.

@ 5:46 PM

i'm quite a happy girl. 'cause i've been spending my kachings like water recently and getting the things i want. only quite a happy girl 'cause, now i'm broke, very very broke! ):

i've got nearly everything on my list, just lacking of a new purse and nightie i think. :D

went out with sweetheart flurry to shop yesterday, and i bought a lot a lot of things!! heees. the lingeries, the accessories and my perfume!!! (: bought the 100ml one, didn't buy the miniature though. figured out a way to bring the perfume out in a small container. if anyone wanna know, ask me. (:

the day before, went out with chou tan to get my charles and keith white bag. went to the arcade, brought back a big big tigger, less than 20bucks!! hahas!

i've trimmed my brows already, but yet to get my nails done. ): all booking's full, argh. i guess i shall do it on my own then, 'cause i'm broke too. BOOS!!!

it's a rainy day, done with my laundry but can't hang them out. gonna go fold some papers for my doggie later for pooping, take a nap and get dinner.

have things on tomorrow, but haven't arrange them yet. will do it later in the night. i'm off to rest first! :D

@ 5:11 PM