# Anabelle Jolyn
# 4th May
# Her Daddy's Princess
# dorty_blurry_jolyn@hotmail.com (friendster)
# ask me for my MSN


# The Most High
# Family
# Friends
# Being a missy girl.
# Those who're hunky-dory to me


# Feeling negative.
# Things that don't go the right way.
# Calls and texts not being respond.
# Being admonish.
# Backaches.


# Make wishes/dreams all come true for me.
# Be myself.
# More time for everything.
# All to be healthy and happy.
# Him*

it's my last week of the term break,
and i'm like out everyday.
kinda tired.

been sleeping only at the break of dawn,
ending up waking up in the noon.
oh,how i hate this irregular sleeping pattern.

school's re-opening on Monday already.
i should really buck up on my studies,
not forgetting i'm taking in the 'O' levels this year.
i must do well!!

benn got my hooked on pool!
it was my lost passion.

uh uh,
i'm not talking about the real pool here,
but the virtual pool.

i must say that friendster's pool is super hard to play,
should play the yahoo pool that i love so much till now.
thus i ended up playing pool in the middle of the last night.
fun i would say.

dad's home today.
but he's so late!
i purposely wake up early to see him home,
waited for like a few freaking hours.

might have some plans with the clique later.
how much i missed them oh!~
@ 5:18 PM


i've got something nice to share again!!
hope you people like it.
((:

by the shadows of the night i go,
i moved away from the crowded room.
that sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret;
they don't know how to feel,
they don't know what is lost.

lost in the darkness of the land;
where all the hopes that offered is,
memories of being taken by the hand,
and we are led into the sun.

but i don't have a hold that is real,
though we can only try,
what is there to give or believe.
i want it all to go away,
i want to be alone.
sympathies wasted on my hallow shell,
i feel there is nothing left to fight for.
no reason for a cause;
and i can't hear your voice,
and i can't feel you near.

i wanted a change,
knowing i could do was try,
i was looking for someone...

i'm fine now,
really fine.
no worries guys,
i'm back.

i know what to do and all,
i told ya that i need time,
it's due.

school's starting next week already,
so i gonna enjoy all i can for these last few days!!
MAKE ME A HAPPY GIRL!!!~
hees.

@ 1:58 AM


i'm home,
home alone.
i love being home alone;
having the whole place to myself.

i could think and all,
peacefully.
no disturbance.
nices~

i've decided to have a change,
my handphone.
but i still do not know what phone do i want.

anyway,
noticed my new blogskin?
isn't it pretty?

i did all the amendments myself.
took about 1 hour plus.
i'm happy with myself.
hees~

ARGH!
it's wednesday.
i told myself that i should complete my play of 'Romeo and Juliet',
but it's not done.

i shan't cook up excuses to cover it.
i shall admit that i'm lazy.
alrights?

but you people should know how these few days' like for me.
i'll not elaborate more.

i wonder;
if he does reads my blog.
i hope he does,
but if he doesn't;
like what he's told me.
it's ok.

i hope everything will go fine for everybody.
just that easy.

i'm a happy girl.
done my blogskin on my own.
i love it!
@ 2:49 PM


i'm angry with myself,
the stubborness,
the clumsiness.
stupid me.

i've been dropping my cellphone again and again,
not on purpose of course.
but it happened so often after i knew it's dying.

it could went off on itself and i don't know a thing about it.
sometimes it wouldn't even get itself on,
no matter how hard i try to on it

it's time to service my mobile,
or to get a new one.
daddy told me i could have a new one.
((:

i'm thankful to have a pair of lovely 'siblings',
CONNIE and CHRISTOPHER.
they're really great!

i'm sorry to worry you both,
thanks for being there;
forcing me to eat my dinner and all.
but i've enjoyed it anyway.
((:

is this the season to fall out of love?
seems a lot of people are going through this phrase of life now.
what about me?
*ponders*

could somebody enlighten me please.

the one who could bring me up into the highest of skies,
could be the one;
that banishes me into the depths of hell.

a mixture of feelings aroused.
but one thing,
no.

two things,
two things for sure,
i could swear upon my life and others'.

I LOVE HIM* and I MISS HIM*,
A LOT.
no doubts about it.
@ 11:25 PM


i got up from my bed,
feeling the need to blog.

recalling back to some days ago,
when i came across a friend's blog.
i teared so hard.
she was going through some parts and parcels of life.
and it made me think of myself.

the melody in her blog;
is nice.
really sweet,
but kinda sad though.
to me.

is it true that a series of unfortunate events happened,
mean good things will come soon?
i really hope so!~

till now,
when i think back.
i teared.
things just ain't the same anymore.

miss you;
-calling me pet names(jollie,sha mei and etc)
-giving me morning calls,waking up to your voice
-talking to me and me talking to you
-wiping away my tears whenever i cry
-holding me,the touch of yours
-playing DOTA while i sit beside and watch
-practising your guitar while i listen
-trying master how to multi-task
-i miss you,i miss you,i miss you.

i miss you;
all about you.

i don't know if you will read.
but i thought,
i could just post it here.
cause i do not have the courage to tell you.

i thought i would not tear anymore.
but i can't.
i teared again.
useless me.

my sinus didn't get any better,
it got worst.
sighs.

i wish you were here.

i'm sorry,
about how disappointing i am.
just put up with me for this period of time.

but well,
i'm glad.
i've found a brother.
a very nice brother.

even though it's me taking care of him,
treating him nice at this period of time.
but i know,
i'm sure,
that he'll repay me in future.
hahas

i'm a blessing;
i'm happy about it.
thanks people.

it's really alright for me going all the miles for you all,
just that it'll make you'all happy.
i'm most willing.

damn!
just typing this entry,
i've don't know shed how many pools of tears.
my floor is littered by tissues;
my tears and mucus.

my eyes are small,
red and swollen now.
i look fugly.

anyway,
i'm going back to bed now.
let me dream a little wonderful dream~

[[05.37am]]
@ 4:57 AM


below(in purple) is a poem;
my friend(brother) sent me.
i thought that it's nice,
so i've decided to post it up.

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you its only seed

It's the soul afraid of dreaming,
That never learns to dance
And the soul afraid of waking,
That never takes the chance

It's the one, who won't be taken
Who cannot seems to give
And the soul afraid of dying,
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
When you feel that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

he shared somethings with me:
"Love is looking past all others to find the very person who means everything to you."
"God created to human at each time;a male and a female.No matter what fate will bring them together again."
"I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but what you are making of me."

it's all about love huh?
LOLS.

anyway,
i went out today.
saw a quote,
an encouraging quote.
but i can't remember what it says.
wait till i figure it out again,
then i'll post it up.

it sure is a motivational quote.
for keeping up good spirits.
((:

i think i'll blog more.
but don't think it will be a constant of a few entries in a day or something.
i'll blog whenever i can(and wish to).
hees.

anyway,
yesterday's gonggong's birthday dinner was kinda alrights.
the food wasn't all that nice.
the place is a coffeeshop with truck loads of people.
so cramp.

but whatever it is,
gonggong enjoyed can already.
the meal sure did burnt a hole in my daddy's pocket.
he spent nearly a 3000 bucks yesterday.

gosh,
that sum of monies is something to me.
will i be able to work and earn enough to feed my family in time to come?
daddy sure done alot to keep the family alive.

I LOVE HIM LORRIES!!!~ THANKS DAD!!! ((:
(despite him doing some stuffs i don't really like and all)

it's late;
i'm gonna turn in soon.

@ 1:00 AM


thanks loves for the concerns.
((:
really appreciated.

i'm pretty fine already,
but didn't blog.
cause i don't feel like it.
i'm sorry.

been suffering from insomnia these days.
and haven't been eating.

started trying to eat yesterday.
but after being not eating and all.
anorexia/bulimia;
my body's rejecting the food.

my mum didn't know anything about this eating disorder yet.
i do not want her to know.
i have had enough of her forcing me to eat again.
although she's likely to start again soon.

sighs.

had a bad feeling;
that last night,
was a bad night.
somethings gonna happened.

sure i was.
something happened.
i shan't elaborate.

today is my gonggong's birthday dinner.
gotta put on make up for my darn face le.
so pale;
small eyes and etc.

dad got home earlier than usual.
nice~
i think i'm going to fall sick or something.

got quite somethings to blog about.
will blog soon.

DAMN!
my dad read my blog and tried to delete my entry.
what the hell man.
-.-
@ 1:17 PM


NOTE:

I MAY NOT BLOG REGULARLY RECENTLY.
UNTIL I'M BACK ON TRACK.

YES;
I KNOW I SAID I WAS BACK ON TRACK,
BUT I GUESS I HAVEN'T.

COS';
FOR A MOMENT,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF.

ENCOURAGEMENTS ARE WELCOME.

BUT,
ALL THE NEGATIVE THINGS.
SAVE IT.
:)

GIVE ME SOME TIME.
TO SINK BACK INTO REALITY;
AND FIND MYSELF.

APPRECIATED~

@ 1:16 AM


i'm suffering!!
i wish i could die...
release me from all these....
)':

nobody's gonna break my fall;catch me this time round.
so much for being the strong girl i am.
blardy shit.

@ 9:28 PM


i felt the need to blog.

it's not been easy for me these days.
after from being emo.
i was being hit;
so hard that i fall.

i guess my time's up,
too tired of everything.

it's difficult for me now.
how long can i hold out?

love is not my thing;
i don't think i'll ever trust again.
it's too tough for me.
my bad.

my heart;
it aches so much.
i'm dying.

that name;
you used to call me which i love so much;
now hurt me so much.

i've fallen for you;
and because of you,
i fall.
so deep,so hard.

i've no appetite to eat.
no mood for anything and everything.
nearly fainted during my daily jog.

what's become of me?
sighs~

crying myself to sleep;
doesn't help anymore.
it can't ease the pain lesser.

@ 8:12 PM


O Romeo,Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

i thought that i could blog while travelling to my granny's place
but i'm wrong.

yes;
i got a seat.
but with all the people sitting around looking at you.
they're damn intruding my privacy.

i thought i could read my Romeo and Juliet play in the train.
i was wrong again.
some oh-so-busybody people would try to peep at what you're doing.

WHERE'S THE PRIVACY I'M ENTITLED TO??!!!?

i'm blogging at my granny's place now.
they're still using dial-up here.
but;
hahas.
i'm blogging wirelessly.

i got into someone's network.
=p
it's against the law eh?
i don't care.

i wanna get online ma.
by hook or by crook.
LOLS.

yeah!
my granny's gonna whip up dinner tonight.
I LOVE GRANNY'S COOKING!!!
YUMMIES~

If thou dost love,pronounce it faithfully.

why do i hearth not from you again to-day?
i miss you!!
sighs~
i've fallen for you.
can you give me assurance?
the sense of security.
i hope~

@ 4:18 PM


alrites,
i'm so over with being not me.
it's over.
totally over.

i'm sorry for the constant emo-ing.
and the entries for so much dullness.

i'm back as me,
sort out myself already.
((:

but sometimes i would need some help along the way.
so people out there,
please be so willingly to give me your hand.

so now,
let bygones be bygones.
i do not want to look back at the last few days.

it's just me go off track and leading myself way further.
thus it made me lost.
resulting in all the miseries.

all's going well now,
i hope the the better.
and for the best.

hmmm,
coming to think that today is wednesday,
leaving me with this week;
i wouldn't be free.

till next week.
holiday;
let it pass by so slow.
let me relax more.
hees.

oh ya,
i wanna finish my 2 plays of ROMEO AND JULIET by next wednesday.
i must buck up on reading,
for i've been lagging behind.
too slow in reading as compared to before.

no;
i'm not reading it as homework or whatsoever.
i'm reading it just because i've got the interest in it.
and i wanna read it.

I LOVE READING!!

i'm going to my granny's place later.
she's back from her holiday yesterday.
gonna bring my maid and brother home.

yipee!!
goodbye to housework chores for me~
i can enjoy life again le.
=p

@ 1:45 PM


SHOW ME LOVE--T.A.T.U

This was an accident
Not the kind where sirens sound
Never even noticed
We're suddenly crumbling

Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense

Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around

Staring at your photograph
Everything now in the past
Never felt so lonely I
Wish that you could show me love

Show me love,show me love,
show me love,Show me love,
show me love
'Til you open the door

Show me love, show me love,
show me love,Show me love,
show me love,
'Til I'm up off the floor

Show me love, show me love
show me love,Show me love,
show me love,
'Til it's inside my pores

Show me love, show me love,
show me love,Show me love,
show me love,
'Til I'm screaming for more

Random acts of mindlessness
Commonplace occurrences
Chances and surprises
Another state of consciousness

Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around

Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense

You play games, I play tricks
Girls and girls, but you're the one
Like a game of pick-up sticks
Played by fucking lunatics

Show me love, show me love
Give me all that I want
Show me love, Show me love
'Til I'm screaming for more
@ 4:49 PM


i'm tired.
totally flat.
i'm losing myself.
i hate to say this;
but i hate myself.

i know a lot of people would be disappointed in me.
i can't help it.
i'm sorry.

there's something wrong with me.
really wrong.
it's a feeling.
so bad, so terrible.

a sense of abandonment.
i'm not trying to get people to care more
or anything.
i can't surpressed it.

it's a torture.
it's killing me.
i'm afraid,
very afraid.
i don't know what to do.

it feels as if nobody is there anymore.
maybe i'm too sensative.
i must put it off fast.

it's bringing nothing me but harm.
i so dread it.

sighs~
)':
@ 10:17 PM


I LOVE SHAKESPEARE'S.
IT'S SO NICE THAT I MISSED LITERTURE.


@ 4:14 PM


i'm not dwelling in the past.
i just want to have my say.
my stand.

thanks for the times that we shared.
from the moment i met you,
till now.
i've seen the differences.
the changes.

so i guess time passes
and people changes.

for you,
i know i've done my part.
to be what i should be.

i'm sorry for the times i put you aside.
but see that,
i'm always by your side.

i'll still be here for you,
whenever you need me and all.
but think,
do you want people to take you for granted?
do not treat others the same.

maybe you had jolly well forget about us,
like how you ask me to forget it;
as the matter is over.

i cherish you,
but all my efforts had gone down the drain.
i'm tired.

the recent happenings had brought me to light.
wake me up.
i'm glad for it.

thank YOU.

i don't know if you will read these.
i can care no more.
take care is all i can say now.
all the best.

you're always my friend.
you can think it's all bullshit.
but look at yourself.
@ 3:14 PM


OREO CHEESECAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my sudden craving.

but i think i'll just give it a miss for now.
cause i'm trying to lose the fats in me.
wait till the day i succeed,
then i'll indulge in lavish fine food.

wahahahaha.
opps.
:/

i'll still keep up and all la.
no worries.
((:

SORRY TEMPTATION,I'M NOT GIVING IN!!~


@ 10:47 PM


my bad,
i skipped blogging last night.
=X

it's my bad but not my fault!
cause my elder of my youngest brother was maple-ing till the wee hours.
thus i couldn't blog.
and i went to sleep.

hees.
today is my WORLD GREATEST DADDY'S DAY.
"HAPPY PAPI'S DAY TO YOU,PAPI!! I LOVE YOU!!"
my brothers and i bought him a pair of sandals.
i just know that he will love it.
((:

and so,
it's very nice to have dad home today with us.
my dad's mom;my granny and my aunts' family all went to genting this morning.
leaving my gonggong alone at home.

i have got no maid now.
my youngest brother also not at home.
they went to look after my gonggong.

no maid= ):
no youngest brother= (:

hees.
i know,it doesn't seems like i'm a good sister.
but spare me for a few days,
he's a nuisance.
:S

i gotta look after my doggie myself.
clean his poo and feed him.
well,
i'll do it;it's my responsibility.

nothing much to update actually.
been brooding at home these days.
borings~
@ 9:42 PM



@ 4:07 PM



@ 3:53 PM


i'm back!!!~
as myself.
((:

despite crying again last night,
over some unhappiness
and happiness.
it's over.

now,
i'm a happy girl.
not the girl i was the last few days.

hees.
i told myself last night.
i can't be so emotional
and thus things doesn't goes in my way.

well,
i wanna thank my dearest sister,Connie.
she plays a big portion in my life.
and i know i play a big portion in her life too.
always standing by me no matter what.
I LOVE YOU,CONNIE!!!~
((:

never thought that i can stand back up on my feet so fast right?
but it's me.
i've got the determination and will.
i can do it.
don't be surprised.

this is ANABELLE JOLYN CHUA SIEW TENG.
once she settled her mind on something,
she's bound to do it.
if she can't accomplish it,
she would give her very best
and not regret.

she's willing to go all out;
for her love ones,
her friends,
and those that she think it's worth.

she had chosen to let go of her past,
she wouldn't mind if people judge her with it,
but one day;
one day,
she will prove it.

SHE'S DIFFERENT FROM THE PAST.

i couldn't say much about myself,
it's up to you guys to see.
i'm true.


@ 2:41 PM


i'm sorry;
for being so emotional and unstable these few days.
and the excess of blogging.
i couldn't help it.
could be a major moodswing acting in me?

blogging;
is like my way of de-stressing,
make me feel better.
other than writing.

now i no longer write as much as i used to.
except on VERY personal stuffs.
if not,
i'll blog.
but i still do share my personal stuffs.
to some extend,
i say.

thanks to some people,
who have been very nice and understanding.
for having up with me all these while.

i've been very annoyed with myself,
cooped up.
i find myself;
a problem.
to everyone and myself.

i want to get back on track;
the way i was.
not like now.
i'm disgusted with the me now.

i've learnt to let go of things,
and had let go of things.
i've tried my best;
just hope that the ending would be a good one.

i'm a tired person.
guess i had enough of things;
and now what i need is a rest.

thank God the term break comes in handy now.
i need to plan it well.
wisely and fruitfully.

i'm saving myself from the nothing i've become.
soon;
i'll be back on my feet again.
the battle's goona begin~

@ 1:22 AM


THIS IS A POST OF CAUTION.

DO NOT TRY TO PROVOKE ME,
I SWEAR.
I MEAN IT;
YOU WOULD REGRET PROVOKING ME.
SO DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO TRY.
GEDDIT?

SOME PEOPLE,
JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WITH THEIR MINDS.
LIKE TO TAKE THINGS TO FAR FETCH.
YOU'LL THINK IT'S ALL BULLSHIT NOW,
BUT WHEN YOU LOOK BACK,
DOES ALL THESE MAKE SENSE?

KNOW WHERE YOU STAND;
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
DO NOT TRY TO GO OVER YOUR LIMITS.
YOU MAY JUST _______.
(complete the sentence yourself,in which ever way you like.)

DON'T SAY THAT YOU'VE NOT BEEN WARNED.
CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN.
A TIMED-BOMB SEEMS TO BE TICKING AWAY.
SO BEWARE~
@ 11:40 PM


WHOO!!!~

i just back from my run.
jogged around my area.
walked from my place the the canal as warm-up.
did a little warm up exercise there,
and it marked the start of my run today.
(:

jogged the canal and all the way back to my home.
breeze walked a little too.

running used to be my passion.
now,
it's my lost passion.
i wanna find back my passion for running.
and alot more of things.

my life now is like,
so messy.
the passionate fire i used to have in alot of things,
had died off.

sighs.
@ 8:02 PM


I'VE JUST FINISHED A DRAMA SERIES,KO ONE!!
although i didn't watch every disc of it.
but i still watch it right.
to the ending.
hees.

okay la,
is my mum watch de.
then sometimes i free,
i accompany her watch also lo.

i'm a good girl.
((:

it's a taiwan idol drama show.
lotsa candy eyes eh.
lols.

though i didn't really watch from the start,
i do know what is it about.
((:

the ending of the show is kinda crappy.
it's a funny show.
all those 'leng' jokes and all.

not a bad show,
can use it to kill time and keep you entertained.

at the end of the show,
there's a person talking.

it said something like;
in this world,
there's good and evil.
the evil could not truimph over the good.
nor the good could totally take over evil.
as long as there's conscious.
there is no totally good nor evil.
there's bound to be good and evil.
cause in the good,evil exist,
and vice versa.
only an equal amount of good and evil could make things better,
and right.
without evil,there wouldn't be good right?
without good,there wouldn't be evil too eh?

this sure is worth some kind of thoughts.
wouldn't it?

i enjoyed the drama nevertheless.
and it teaches me something.
it's nice to learn things in every and anyway.

in the show,
one of the actor say;
the baddest guy,would be most afraid to face himself.
the most naive person,should treasure it more.

pennny for ya thoughs again eh?
through this words that the actor say,
it saved the day.
LOLS.

so now,
you know that this is a kinda action pack show.
with some brains involve instead of only brawns.
but it too depicts a romance story.
plus,it's a comedy.
ironic huh?

maybe as i type and you read here,
you might not understand.
so maybe you can catch the drama yaself to understand.

and,
what i wrote here you might not agree with
but get this;
DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS.
A MAN'S FOOD MIGHT BE THE OTHER MAN'S POISON.
@ 6:05 PM


the previous post i was an angry girl.
but now i'm a happy girl.
:D

my day's made.
weets~

pioneer mall's wireless internet connection is good.
not as sucky as the some of the other branches.
despite the pervertic old idiot.

went off to jurong point at around 6p.m.
meet sherry at the hut where we talked yesterdat with may.

soon after,
the girls reached also.
with xuanhong.

they were late~
we were supposed to meet at 7p.m to talk.
about the misunderstandings.

from heated arguements to raising of voices.
then to quietness,calm talks,confrontations.
the girls all shedded tears and sobbed.

lastly,
everyone there.
cracked up and we started crapping again.
so that means,
everything is sorted out.
it's over and we're friends still.

friends,
let this be a lesson learnt.
let this be a time whereby a more stronger bond and understanding would be formed.
change the way we used to be;
for the better.
(:

I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I MISSED YOU!!~

even though we jus met and part,
but let's hang out real soon.
before the holidays for you'all are over.
yeah?

mine just started though.
hees.

oh yea,
saw quite a few people around.
may said;
there's a saying like;
maybe before you die,
you're given a chance to see them before you go.

i don't wanna die yet.
i'm still young.
there're lotsa things i still haven't do and all.
don't take me away so fast.
please~



@ 1:33 AM


i'm an angry girl.
i'm so gonna condemn people in my blog today.
i know it's not so right.
but hack it,man.

that damn guy at pioneer mall this afternoon.
really pissed me off man.

GET A LIFE LA,BLOODY COCKSTER.

yes,
i'm crude.
where can i voice all these out?
in here,of cause.

it's my blog.
read the URL.
MYLYFEMYSPACEMYSAY.
geddit?

it's my freedom of speech here.
((:
comments and whatsoever?
leave it on the tagboard beside.
thanks.

back-track.
that idiot was viewing girls' friendster's account all the time.
i didn't peep on him on purpose.
just passed-by and saw it.
not only i saw it.
i bet people walking in and out of the toilet saw it.
cause he's like sitting beside the toilet.
hahas.

we;
MAY and me.
thought that he was doing some serious work,
but hell~
what was he doing,man.

IT TURNED ME SO OFF CAN!!!

look at himself in the mirror la.
view the profiles le,
not enough.
still add them as friend.
LOLS.

he done a account like those 'yandao and chiobu club' huh?
trying to lure more girls to add him.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkks~
if he ever tries to get them out in real life and meet.

hah.
the girls would run away.
so old.
torn and tattered,ruggard look.
pervert.
*pui*

furthermore,
the main thing.
he was hogging on to the socket all the while.
we were doing our work and our lappy low batt,
we couldn't charge it.
all thanks to him.
argh~

before meeting the girls,
negative thoughts is all we were carrying.
thinking that it's coming to an end soon.
a fight might break out.

nearly lost my dear life at the interchange just now.
the bus was coming and i didn't know it.
luckily sped up in time.
if not...
choy~

i'm still not satisfied.
@ 12:38 AM


i seriously need to get some sleep.
so now, i think i better shut down my darn lappy.
and hit the sacks.
fook myself.
it's already 4.51a.m already.
what am i doing?
so many entries.
i think i'm nuts.
to bed i go.
i go to bed.
bed i go to.
to go i bed.
lame.
time is running like nobody's business.
hell~
4.53a.m of a thursday morning on 15 june 2006.
time still counting.
*bang wall*
*faint*
only through this i can obtain my goal.
(:
@ 4:50 AM


now that i'm feeling better.
just updated my entries.
and eyes are a little tired.
i've achieved my aim.
the last thing now.
is to force myself to sleep.
good night all.
rest well.

@ 4:08 AM


make do with some these for now.
i just thought that it could make me feel better.
i certainly hope.

to you,
i am one of those.
one kind of beautiful rose.
for you,
i shed my thorns.
for it meant;
another excitement.
but to me;
it's another requirement.

never explain.
for those who are with you;
don't need it
and those who are against you;
wouldn't believe and understand anyway.

when the curtains of the night draws across the skies,
my sights search for the first starlite.
it need not be big,it need not be bright;
for in the day,
i can't see it's light.
yet i know it's there shining with all it's might,
so with the sun out of the sky,
i cherish it's efforts with a serenity "hi".
someone will be your moon shining in lonesone nights,
someone will be your sun shining with its brightest light.
i'll rather be the star,
always shining day and night.
your sunshine may not be me;
it's alright.
your moon might not be me;
it's still fine.
i'll just be around at all times;
shining with all my might.

in this so called world,
you can't see the truth;
even it there is edvidence to prove.
so do not assume the food tastes good before you take a bite;
the taste might even turn your face pure white.
even if we dare to try,
the ending could be tears of cries.
thus i hope;
not all tries,
would end up with the expaected sigh.
i no longer care;
at least,
i'll hurt no hearts.
except mine.

these are just random.
randoms of me.
my thoughts and all.
i've sort it out,
or so i thought.



@ 3:09 AM


at this time;
i'm still unable to sleep.
whereas tomorrow,
i need to wake up at 11a.m.
to wash up and prepare to meet may.
1p.m at jurong point.
to do some work together.

there's like a huge burden in me.
it's un-explainable.
sighs.
i'm feeling emotional again.

it's so bad that it's killing me.
i wanted to cry so much to make it go away.
will that do it?

"i'm sorry,honey.i was half-heartedly talking to you on the phone just now.i didn't mean it."

i think something is very wrong with me
and it's driving me crazy.
no one understands.

i'm so sick.
so sick of everything.
i think i'm suffering from insomnia these days.

it's doing me no good.
depression soon will catch up with me.
hur hur.

somethings had set me thinking.
my mind is killing the cells away.

Sometimes as we look back in phases of our lives,
we realise there is nothing much we could leave behind for each other,
except for the moments that touched,
and the words that etched ever so heavily.
leaving a trail of unexpected impacts in our lives.

i believe,
there are times in life that you will not forget,
people in life that you will always remember.
all these;past.
are memories.

i hope my cries would make it go away,
as here i am typing away.
it's so pain that i could no longer withstand.
i fall so hard i could hardly stand.

it's all just words from the bottom of my heart,
that i wish to let out as anybody does.
so i choose to put it as a poem.
the way it flows like how i feel.

to the Gods around,
i sincerely pray.
let us see the truth in life each day.
to renew our faith amidst our constant pain;
to have strength to let the pain from the past slowly fade away.
to have wisdom and care;
to lend out aid.
to realise our dreams;
our power to create.
to see a new beginning pior to eaching ending made.
@ 2:14 AM


i'm a happy girl.
lalalas~

met the girls at jurong point.
MAY and SHERRY.
for udon.

yummy-licious.
hees.

after our meal.
went to walk around.
aimlessly though.

suddenly i got the craving for donuts,
thus we went to basement to look for my donut.
but don't have,
hence may and i went to get drinks.

she got honey milk teawith double pearl while i get chocolate ice blended with jelly.
kinda nice.
sweetie~
((:

with nowhere to go,
we went to a place near the new library opposite jurong point and slack.
talk,drink and shared things there.

sherry left early,
leaving may and me there to chat.
we had a nice time there.
wheee~

may and i meeting tomorrow afternoon;
to do some work together.
looking forward to tomorrow.
can't wait.

no school no school.
yippeeeeeeesssssssss~~
@ 12:33 AM


was supposed to update monday.
but i don't know why;
i just didn't do that.
i guess i was feeling too dull.

i did not turn up for school on monday.
cause i was too tired and forgo my medication the night before.
yes,i'm on drugs.
for my nose.
prescribed by doctor.

and i only went into my 'lala land' at 8 plus in the morning of a monday.
feeling so damn sick then.
thus i decided to stay home and sleep first.

woke up,slacked and all.
met my MAY DARLING to bugis for a shopping spree.
it's nice to get want you want at once.
hence troublesome.

this outing;
i've spent about a 100 bucks in one day.
LOLS.

let me analyse it out for you:
-top up my ez-link card($10)
-blazer($22.50)
-multi-purpose bag($28)
-white demien skirt($16)
-dinner and cab($13)

fruitful trip out huh.
i got something nice for LEGS too.
i didn't include in the list above.
hahas.
can't wait to see him soon.

"I MISS YOU,HONEY!~"

((:
met xuan hong on the train back to jurong.
so long didn't see him le.
he accompany me and MAY MAY to have dinner at KFC.

-.-
sinful.
diet time~

hees.
as for today;tuesday.

my oh-so-nice mummy went to the market and got me breakie.
yummy-licious.

"THANKS MOM,I LOVE YOU."

did nothing much today.
watched vcds with my mom.
some taiwan idol dramas.
kinda nice thou.
=p

napped in the evening till 9 plus.
he was still working.
poor baby~

got a little emotional last night and cried myself out.
when i was looking through the past archives in my old blog and all.
looking at the photos and past entries.
i couldn't help but think.

how could all these gone so wrong?
those memories;so vivid.
do u all felt so too?

i was trying to fight back the tears that welled up in my eyes.
it all flow so strongly back.
i couldn't resist it;
i gave in.
sobbed myself out.

this thursday.
it's coming so soon.
somehow,
i dread it.
on the other hand,
i want it to come.

ironic.
we do not know the outcome.
let it be the time whereby everything will be out in the light.
we could still be as before.
i hope.

to some people,
i might be shedding crocodile's tear.
but you are not me;
you do not know anything.

i've become the bad person.
do you expect me to admit or deny it?
look at it in another perspective;
put yourself in other people's shoes.

save up your effort of trying to be 'oh-so-nice attitude' in front of people and stabbing people at the back.
get a life man.
@ 10:02 PM


slept very early last night.
LOLS.
slept at 5 plus in the morning?
hahas.

woke up a few times to pick up calls.
but finally wake up at 1 plus in the noon.

after waking up,
slacked in the living room a while then head to take a shower.
raining heavily.
nice weather,
to sleep.
hees.

went over to CONNIE's place.
waited for her to finish her assignment and all.
left her place to go to town.

took bus 502 down.
kinda fast i must say.
(:
my car sick sickness didn't act up.
so glad.
=p

shop around in town.
brought a few things home.
fruitful trip.
hahas.

came home at about 10pm.
now watching X-men 2.
recorded just now.
and masking.

woots.
so nice man.
the mask and the show.
lalalas~

damn,
tomorrow got school.
wouldn't forget cause the school will send sms to the students.
cool huh.
lols.

will b sleeping soon after the show and some washing up.
nights~
@ 12:39 AM


back.
and i slacked a while.
okay~
a long while.
2 hours.
hees.

just now,
i reached my aunt's place at about 6 plus?
when i was walking from the carpark to the void deck,
to take lift to the 9th floor,
my aunt's place.

i could hear damn loud music and somebody singing.
karaoke-ing~
i was so sure,
it's my uncle singing.

i was so right man.
LOLS.
power la.
9th floor sing until 500 metre far also can hear.
maybe not so far ba.
but it's so loud and clear.

luckily,
he don't sound very bad.
if not the whole building collaspe.
hahahas.

upon reaching my aunt's place.
greeted everybody who's my elder there.
and settle myself so comfortably on the sofa.
my cousins came to greet me too!~

i think they missed me too much.
cause very long didn't see each other le.
they became so violently.
they hit me!!~
*OUCH*

but they're still cute la.
hees.
I LOVE ALL MY COUSINS!!~
(:

back track~
so just now.
i karaoke at my aunt's place with my cousin for like 3 hours nonstop.
everybody were like trying to stop us singing.
lols.

we sang the lamest song for our father's jus now.
changed the birthday song.
from "happy birthday to you"
to "happy fathers' day to you"
nice rights.
:P

we had a photo session too.
family photo taken.
i like it.
waiting for it be out on photo paper.
hehes.

oh,
did i mention i got the pictures taken like a year or 2 back in thailand.
not much, only 4.
nice nice though.
will try to post it up.
lalalas~

father's day cake is so nice.
yummy.
i shared a small slice with daddy.
it's from polar if i'm not wrong.

after everything,
mummy mahjong-ed and daddy went back to work.
while my siblings and i slacked a while,
before i head home with my maid n youngest brother.

mummy paid the cab fare home.
yippes.

poor legs,
still at work now.
it's midnight now already.
not home yet.

gonna be working 12 hours straight le.
heartache~
so much work to be done lo.
pitiful.
):

wish he can finish his work fast fast.
go home, eat and rest.
he still haven eat also.
sighs.





@ 12:14 AM